Hen Scratch: blood, babies, & blogspot

SPENT SOME TIME TODAY WITH Ed, Jake, and that simpering, jelly-legged, Bell. One question: Why are two delicious men nuts over a dumb, tongue tied , flat chested, bleeding brunette? Beats me. Laurent should have eaten her when he had the chance and done us all a favor.

I ATTENDED WITH CAT, Haley and Baby Cox, and a theatre full of werewolf adoring females. Jake took off his shirt, showed his 30 extra lbs of muscle, and half the audience started fanning themselves.

WAS THE MOVIE AMAZING? I will save my opinions for later and let you formulate your own.

BEFORE THE FLICK, it was monthly Chix Lunch time. Every third Friday we do this for whatever chix can attend. Whitney was not able to this time, Lola needs to go to school, and Megan insists on living in Nevada - so it was just Haley, Adds, Caitlyn, Baby Cox, and Mallory. We dined at Mi Ranchito. Addie slept and Baby Cox floated during the meal.

AFTER LUNCH AND THE MOVIE, I made a trip to Macey's in Provo for a few things, and forgot it was Friday night. Crowds. So I had a mild panic attack, left my basket in an aisle, got in the car, and headed home directly. The further south, the less mess, so by Salem I was feeling much better. I guess the longer I live in the sticks, the less I tolerate the rat race that is Provo.

I MADE HOMEMADE LAUNDRY SOAP this evening. Grated a bar of Fels-Naptha in to washing soda, borax, and Oxy-Clean. Washing garments right now to see what happens. Supposed to cost .15 a load.

GOT A CALL FROM Nephew Chad this evening asking if we were up to a post-Christmas visit from the Hansen clan this year. "YES!" I responded. So chix far and wide, you are now informed.

SO I WAS CHATTING WITH THE Flake over a tamale the other day, and during her babble, I had this flash and knew what I needed to teach the Laurels this Sunday: The reality of Satan. That he really exists, that he hates them and wants them to be miserable like he is. He is a real entity and knows them well and should not be underestimated. I thought to myself that I would find a way to work that into my lesson, whatever the planned lesson was. I was to teach Lesson #28 out of the approved young women's manual. The day after my chat with The Flake, I decided it was time to look up the lesson. I did, and guess what? The object of the lesson is, "Learning Who Satan Is and What His Purposes and Powers Are Can Help the Young Women Overcome Temptation.

HONEST. NO JOKE. Freaky. Guess I can assume my impression over lunch was correct.

FOR TWO DAYS NEITHER Spouse or I bothered to make our bed. I never do that. I'm pretty sure he doesn't straighten the sheets one bit when I'm out of town, but I do. Maybe one day I slack - but not two. What is happening to us?

IN CLOSING: WHY IS IT that if I make a sarcastic comment on a blog or facebook entry, someone has to call me to task? Don't they get I'm kidding? What's wrong with people? Gee wiz, lighten up internet-users. Where is your sense of humor? Did you press the delete key on it?

AND THEN THERE'S THIS dude running around blogspot called "The Crap Blog Detective" and he thinks he's on a mission to point out how dumb all our blogs are. Well, guess what? We know they are! You're not telling us anything we don't know, Mr Hot Dog Detective. He left me a comment on my last give-away and asked if I was buying friends. I responded by saying "Oh, totally, because I have none. Wow you're good!" Idiot.

PROBABLY SITS AT HIS COMPUTER all day and dates himself.

Here's knowing you have way more class-

HEN IN THE HILLS

✍

2, 2-Day

NOVEMBER 20

- The oldest one. The kid who teaches you that you can't control your kids. The one who is endearing while she is exhausting. The level of responsibility, creativity, and individuality is noteworthy. Degree of developed love for family is delightful.

- The next. Though she may be pregnant-miserable, sick, or tired, is always kind and respectful to me. Evolves as a mother, adjusting to the needs of her boys. Stands by her man. You can always tell when she's in a good place, because then she's in the kitchen. Creative. Clever. Shows all how to be family members.

- Third. The kid who goes about her responsibilities without saying much - just gets them done. No fanfare. Loves to make others pretty, and always can "fit you in." Is dedicated to her Taddow through thick and thin. Obedient to priesthood counsel. Quick witted. Refreshingly blond. Learning patience patiently.

NOVEMBER 21

- Third to last, the new mom. A little freaked out most of the time, but at peace with it. Frets, but just wants to do right by all things and people. Eased into the mothering role with joy, willingness, grace and a little fear. Creates a clean orderly environment. Plays with her girl, laughs with her husband and has faith in him.

- Fifth. Feathery. Floaty. Sees things through different eyes; not just "things," but people too. Focused on Nic-Nic. Massaging her environment to get the right feel to it. Skin and clothes covered with paint splatters. Wants to be understanding - non judging. Desires to be helpful.

- Caboose. Mostly a carbon-copy of the dad; but also outwardly theatrical. Fearless. Sometimes floundering in the surf, but finding the shore. Will own up. Has good intentions. Gives others, and herself, too much slack. Trying to be close to the top five. Loves the stage.

November 19

- The miracle that happens when you go to a church activity you don't want to go to, and you get there and you have a great time. Even if you grouse about it as you get in the car, you still end up being glad you went. Weird.

- Tithing. Such a great insurance policy.

- The Light of Christ that covers the earth. It's the inspiration of the artist, the genius of the inventor, the discovery of the scientist, the power of the sun, the force that turns the earth. It's the gift we all share from birth.

Hen of Filth

BEWILDERMENT. That describes my feelings regarding a strange occurrence, which is actually becoming the norm.

I CAN BE WATCHING ANY SHOW on my computer, be it Extreme Home Makeover, Fringe, Glee, or even (I swear), Sesame Street, and all will be clean and moral - then Spouse walks in the room and suddenly a naked body, sex scene, or foul word happens on the screen.

OF COURSE, SINCE THIS IS the normal, Spouse thinks that all I watch on my computer is smut. He probable thinks I have a porn problem.

HE WILL STAND BEHIND ME and say, "What's THAT you're watching??" "Well, it was fine until you walked in!" I reply. Of course he responds doubtingly with, "Sure it was." He's probably thinking, "slut" as he leaves the room, disgusted, because that's what I'm feeling like.

YESTERDAY HE WENT TO Salt Lake for a meeting. Left about 1. At 5:30 the new Star Trek had finished downloading from iTunes to my computer, so I started to watch it while I was writing a letter to one of the missionaries in our ward.

I SWEAR I HAD NO IDEA WHEN Spouse was due home. But OF COURSE, when James T. Kirk was making out with the green chick who was in her underwear, who walks in but Spouse. The one place in the movie that has sex in it, and he has to walk in the door.

I GIVE UP.

November 18

- Mara the Sequoia. We've had her for six years; she has 140,000 miles on her; is dinged and scratched; but I love her. I saw her on the showroom floor and it was love at first sight, I even cried when I drove her as "ours" for the first time. She's dependable, dark jade green, has a good CD player, seat heaters, sun roof, DVD player, four-wheel drive, eight cylinders, and has been a dependable friend.

- A garage that holds our toys, "stuff," and my car. In the winter I can't tell you how cool that is.

- Barbara the Big Bad Snow Thrower. I know that in a few weeks she will be my best buddy.

Momentous

MY OLDEST, SPARKS, shies away from the camera. Pull one out, and she gets that disapproving look on her face. I'm never sure why. She darling. The proof is above. Her friend, rabirunner, caught this candid and I love it.

ALL SIX OF MY CHIX are quite lovely and nicely shaped. This has worked for them, and against them. High school might have been a bit easier and less confusing for them had they been homely.

BUT FOR THE MOST part, that freakish time of their life that is the teenage years (except for Lola, who is slogging through her final few), is over (hang in there, Lola! It gets better.), and they are married to men who are grateful to have "hot" wives. Just look at 'em - could a mother be prouder?

LOGOPHILIA GIVE-A-WAY WINNER

What great participation I received for this drawing! Twenty-four applicants, but alas, I could only choose one of you. :(

Using an impartial random generator, the winner is . . .

Are you ready?

Can you stand the suspense?

Here it is!

JESSICA! Yes, Jessica, you finally WON, and it wasn't because you whined about it either.

Please visit Logophillia, tell me what you would like to receive, and send me an address to send it to.

suepete@mac.com

Congratulations!

November 17

- A body that works. True, right now it's kinda falling apart, but over all it's still functioning. It birthed six kids and held up enough to care for them.

- The business genius my Spouse has. Whenever we're in need, he makes things happen. Not sure how. Hope it's legal. :)

- That at this writing, my children are healthy. Knowing how delicate wellness can be, I'm very grateful that our family has not suffered health disasters thus far. I hope that trend continues.

November 16

- Sitting in a quiet spot at church and reading scriptures (of course I'm supposed to be in Sunday School, but . . .)

- Making the effort to turn everything off, except a reading light, and snuggling up with a book.

- The priesthood, and having a husband who holds it. Very, very cool.

November 15

- Humor. Isn't it awesome to just laugh out loud?

- A clean kitchen. Dishes done and put away. Counters wiped. Ahh.

- Friends who come over, kick off their shoes, and visit.

IT'S ANOTHER GIVE-A-WAY!

Sparks has launched a new store.

It's for the cool kids.

Check it out here.

Now leave me a cluck, and on Tuesday morning I'll draw a winner, and that winner can chose a piece of coolness for his/her wall.

The game is on.

Hen Scratch: relief, Rummikub, & resale

GOT THE DESK MOVED. Much warmer. Got the craft shelves done. Much more attractive. Put away the all misc junk from my creative space. Much relief.

THIS EVENING, the Flake dropped by with buttermilk cake in hand. Fresh berries, whipped cream, and ginger syrup on the side. Delightful. We chatted for a good long while and solved most of the worlds problems.

GETTING THE FLAKE HERE was tricky. You see it snowed today - probably about 3" total. She had to wait for the snowplow to blaze a trail to my place before she could deliver the cake. I couldn't come after it because Spouse had taken Mara and her four-wheel drive to P-Town, and even if I could get out of my driveway, I wouldn't be able to get back up it.

AND SPEAKING OF CARS, I went to get in Patty today, before all the snow fall, and the outside driver door handle broke off. Add that to the ever growing list of broken things.

ETHAN FELT THAT TODAY was a great days for Chocolate Bread Pudding. Actually, any day is a good day for Chocolate Bread Pudding.

HALEY, ADDS AND JON came down and we all enjoyed the fruits of Ethan's labors. I even delivered a piece to The Flake and The Captain, when I had a car available to get me there and back.

WHEN I GOT BACK, we played Rummikub, and I won, which I'm sure chapped Jon's hide cause he hates to lose at anything.

THE WOOD STOVE HAS BEEN busy today. I haven't named him yet. Not sure where to go with that. Any ideas? I do know he is a he - checked under the fire box - but other than that, I'm stumped. (Stumped. Wood stove. Get it?)

HAVE MADE MY LAUNDRY LISTS for Steve the appliance repair guy's visit on Monday; and Saul the handyman's visit on Tuesday. Now Patty has to get an appointment at Flip's to get her handle fixed so we can actually GET in her; and Gus has a spa day on Tuesday because he is disgusting - more tan than white lately. And smell??? Ugh!

NOT REALLY SURE WHERE THE money for any of these items is coming from. Hope the Spouse can pull a rabbit out of his hat this week. I could always sell my first born. Sparks? What'd ya think?

Hoping your first born has some resale value~

HEN IN THE HILLS

✍

November 14

- Giggling girls. Means happiness and no drama at the moment.

- Precious stones. Just makes me feel kind, well, precious.

- The good examples my sons are to Lola.

I Couldn't Help Myself

I had to post this. Too cute to leave in iPhoto.

Grandma 'Chelle, is this just about the cutest little granddaughter on the planet?

Hen Scratch: bread pudding, black boxes, & bad knee

I READ 'NEEN'S cluck today and felt all warm inside. She reads ME first in the morning! Take that Sparks and Rookie!

RIGHT NOW I'M in the middle of creative space clutter. I decided my craft gadget shelves need a sophisticated update. So enter IKEA.

I ASKED HALEY AND Adds if they wanted to take a jaunt to Draper with me so I could stock up on little black boxes (as opposed to little black books).

IT WAS NICE TO GET OUT and enjoy the unparalleled scenery of I-15.

ON THE WAY HOME I stopped at Crisspsss and picked up some breakfast foods for Lola to grab on the go. On special were 50 lbs of potatoes for $9. and 25 lbs of onions for $3. We now have 75 lbs of root vegetables in the garage. Bring it on, winter!

SPEAKING OF WINTER, we woke up to white this morning. Then we drove 50 yards down the hill, and no snow. We are blessed that way.

LAST NIGHT, ABOUT 8 pm, The Flake called. When she opens her conversation with "What ya doin?" I'm never sure what will follow. Revelation? Criticism? Cookies? Question? Complaints? This time it was an invite to join her and The Captain for dessert "out." Wow! We actually went out!

WE HAD NICE CONVERSATION over pie and bread pudding. I felt like a real grown-up.

NOW THAT THE WHITE STUFF IS VISITING The Ridge, I am realizing my desk is in a bad spot. I have placed my writing space next to a big window. Bad plan. I might as well put my desk in the front yard - it's cold! Now I have to unplug, turn off, move over, reattach, boot up, all kinds of stuff. Better that than freeze my butt off all winter.

BUT ON THE WARM SIDE, Karen S gifted Lori, Leslie and me bright pink blankets yesterday at lunch. She even machine embroidered our names on them. Now I have a soft warm blankie for my creative space.

TODAY IS A BAD KNEE DAY. For some reason the dumb thing is swollen and sore. Stupid. Enter Advil and ice. Entering ice and whiskey would probably work better.

WELL, I'VE GOT A big fat mess at my feet, so I best get back at it.

May all your black boxes be organized-

HEN IN THE HILLS

✍

The Why Index - Results

Yesterday I posted "The Why Index."

My daughter, Sparks, caught it and issued a challenge.

Little stinker put me in a tough place because the clucks that came in were clever. What to choose? I ought to choose all of them and have her award a Logophilia print to each one.

Before I announce the winner, I have to give you a taste for the clucks that came to the roost:

Lars

Why do PC's exist?

PC's exist so that us in the Apple cult can have our cult.

I love my MacBook and like you I giveth names, Maxine and I are tight. She gives me lap dances and keeps me warm and unlike a PC she would never sing "What Have You Done For Me Lately" and go all passive aggressive on me.

mommablogsalot

Why doesn't anyone make boots for people with ankles and calves like mine?

I've wondered the same thing about boots - they never seem to fit me right and I wonder what freakish ankles and calves they were designed for. Really it's bad enough having to feel inadequate shopping for jeans and swimsuits - and then they say the nice thing about shoe shopping is the “shoe always fits” - but not so for boots. They were probably designed by men... or leggy blondes.

Ashley Thalman

If cow and horse manure are so good for crops, why do they smell so dang bad?

Farts are good for us too

Brandon and Julie

Why does our microwave work some days and some days not? Is it female?

No, not female. Check out the end of the plug. Definitely male. Why else do you think we want to throw electronic appliances against the wall when they just won't do what we want them too when we all know that if they would just cooperate life would flow much more smoothly?

Why do I swear sometimes?

Cause you have 6 daughters.


Why do my daughters swear most of the time?


Cause their mother swears.

Why do I like violent movies?

Because of some inner psychological need to lash out in anger when all that estrogen wants to get the best of you but you know a violent movie is a much more sane option.

rookie cookie

Why does our microwave work some days and some days not?

The microwave, and many other things in the house that selectively work, don't work because the house is haunted.

Mrs.Pingle

When I read your question, "If cow and horse manure are so good for crops, why do they smell so dang bad?" ...I read "dang" as "dung"... which made me smile. How fitting.

Jessica

And the swearing? Swearing is fun.

Michele

Why does Gus have to smell so bad, and why does he insist on laying under my chair?

Gus is my 2-year-old. I have no idea why is is laying under your chair I thought he was in his room for his daytime nap but hey what do I know I’m just his mum. But I have a fair idea about why he smells so bad and its a lot to do with your question #2 regarding manure. Gus manure is rather vile too.

Joni Gardine

As for the boots and jeans questions?



The whole fashion industry is a conspiracy. ;)

Roby Sue

Why couldn't I have been a rock star?

It's never too late to change careers.

Why do I like violent movies?

For the same reason I watch shows about serial killers at night when my husband is working late.?

Thanks to everyone. I was so thrilled to get "pings" on my iPhone which meant I had another clever cluck to enjoy.

But to narrow things down, I have to succumb to Lars. Revealing that her laptop gives her lap dances was just to good to pass. Not that I'm into porn, pole & lap dancers, X-rated movies or any of that smut - it's just using the phrase "lap dance" in regards to a laptop caused this hen to emit a large chuckle.

Congrats Lars!

November 13

- Lil' Jack, Van, Addie, Baby Ingram, & Baby Cox. Happy is the grandma whose quiver is full of grandchildren.

- Marriage commitment. You can disagree. You can not like the spouse so much some days. But you're committed to the core.

- The trust I can place in the Gospel. I don't have to wonder, or wander to find truth. It's right here, in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

The Why Index

Why doesn't anyone make boots for people with ankles and calves like mine?

If cow and horse manure are so good for crops, why do they smell so dang bad?

Why are "average" jeans just a bit too long, and "petite" just a bit too short?

Why does our microwave work some days and some days not? Is it female?

Why can I listen to "Viva La Vida" by Coldplay 20 times in a row?

Why couldn't I have been a rock star?

Why did Michael Jackson have to die?

Why does Gus have to smell so bad, and why does he insist on laying under my chair?

Why did Heavenly Father send me six daughters? Why do I always serve in young women's or Relief Society? Why am I surrounded by women?

Why do I swear sometimes?

Why do my daughters swear most of the time?

In some areas of my life, why do I never grow up?

Why do I like violent movies?

Why do PC's exist?

Why are some good women stuck with crappy husbands?

Why does Spouse freak out so much over snow?

Hen Scratch: hell, happiness, & head in the sand

THE WIND BLEW LAST NIGHT like a banshee over the peat bogs. When I went to bed, there were leaves on the trees. When I got up this morning, they were gone. The trees are wrapping their limbs across their chests to maintain some kind of dignity.

LAST NIGHT WHEN I came home from young women's, I had an armload of junk to bring in the house and put away. Never one to make more than one trip to the car, especially if I'm wearing heels, I loaded up - and dropped the candles and my phone on the way up the garage stairs.

IN THE MIDST CONFUSING FRAY I forgot to close the garage door. Of course that had to be the night of the Wild Wind, because most of the leaves on the now-naked trees are in the garage, along with what looks like tumbleweeds from the desert.

TOMORROW IS LESLIE'S 50th birthday. Therefore Lori, Karen and I took her to lunch today. As usual it was Mimi's, and as usual I had Corn Chowder and a Carrot-Raisin Muffin, washed down with copious amounts of Diet Coke with lime. We lunched from 10-2. That may seem impossible to you, but then you don't know how ladies in their 50's operate.

AFTER LUNCH I DID my thing for the planet and dropped off our recyclables. It always makes me feel somewhat responsible to recycle even a little bit.

I MENTIONED YOUNG WOMEN in Excellence was happening last night - and it did. All leaders carried out their assignments and it came and went. The girls who were asked to speak were somewhat awkward, but they did get up in front of a crowd, open their mouths and produce sound. Sometimes that's all you can ask of a teenager.

I OPENED MY MOUTH and produced sound as well. I hope it was sound that made sense.

AFTER THE PROGRAM, I VISITED one of my Laurels who has been AWAL at church and activities lately. I went to her house, she answered the door and I asked to talk to her for a minute. The conversation went somewhat like this:

"First, Amber*, I want to let you know that I'm here because, 1) I love you, and 2) I care about you. "

"Okay." She responded.

"So I'm asking, where the hell have you been lately?"

We then had a conversation about how much I need her at church and she committed she would be there. It went really well, which leads me to wonder if I was prompted to swear. Your thoughts?

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent - me.

I HAVE A SECRET TO DIVULGE: I have someone come to my house every two weeks and clean it top to bottom. It is a very spoiled thing. It is a luxury. I feel guilty, but not for too long, because in all, it makes me REALLY HAPPY. So happy it is hard to adequately express. I love Elizabeth and her crew. They are a gift from heaven.

TODAY THEY CAME. At this writing, the house is lovely. I am happy happy happy.

IN CLOSING, and without revealing too much, I just want to say that I feel so sorry for parents who have their head in the sand and allow their kids to totally pull the wool over their eyes. The parents who say, "I know that all the evidence points to my kid's guilt, but Little Jimmy/Jenny said he/she was innocent, and I completely believe the little darlin' [butt-head] in spite of all the overwhelming evidence and the smoking gun he/she is holding and pointing at your head." Fun, fun times await Head in Sand Parents.

OF COURSE, FUN fun times come to those of us parents who live out of the sand too. So who's to say either type of parent is better off?

TO ENCAPSULATE: "Parenting is hell." (Maybe you're on to something, Sparks.)

Better, but still bitter-

HEN IN THE HILLS

✍

November 12

- Where I grew up. I was raised on a ranch and spent my childhood roaming fields and climbing rocks. I loved it.

- My heritage. First generation Irish -American on one side, four Mayflower ancestors on the other. Not too shabby.

- That I know what happens to me after I: give up the ghost, kick the bucket, croak, buy it, cash in my chips, check out, buy the farm, AKA, die. That kind of knowledge is beyond price to me.